Six Months And One Year

The babies turned six months old yesterday. . . it may be cliche, but all I keep thinking is, "where has the time gone?" And today, marks the one year anniversary of my 6 week ultrasound, that first showed us 4 tiny heartbeats. WOW! This past year went by in slow motion, but also went by in hyper-speed (if that's possible). One year ago today, Clint and I received news that turned our lives upside down. News, that in all honesty, seemed devastating. We left that ultrasound in tears and shaken to our very cores (as a matter of fact, we took two vehicles to the ultrasound and had to leave in one because I didn't trust myself to drive). I remember feeling like it was all my fault somehow, and feeling guilty that I felt no joy in my pregnancy (something I felt complete joy over up to that point). For a while, when I would think about events in our lives, there was a "before" and "after." Before March 2, 2010 when life was normal and after, when it was anything but. I would look at pictures of "before" and think, "we were so happy, so blissfully ignorant of what was to come." At that point in time, I would have done anything to change the news that I had just been given and now one year later, I wouldn't change it for the world! Please don't judge this very candid memory of that very scary day and time. I don't think you can understand it unless you have been there. It is terrifying to hear that you are going to have four babies at one time. All I could think about were the risks to the babies, to myself (I am Jackson's mother and I just kept thinking that I couldn't put his mother at risk, he needs me), the strain this could put on us financially, emotionally, physically. . . it was a hard day. One that I will never forget. I was uplifted by people (even those who had never been through anything like this) who told me that my feelings seemed normal to them. One precious woman even said that she would think it odd if I didn't feel that way; if I had embraced it immediately she would worry that I was not being realistic. When I gave the news to one mother of quadruplets that I know, she told me that she didn't know whether to tell me how happy she was for me or to cry with me (she did not have the same amazing outcome that I ended up having, losing one of her precious angels shortly after birth). I think this is what I would say to someone in the same situation now if approached. It is joyous, because in the end you are given beautiful new lives, but it is a long, scary and very uncertain road (and I had an amazingly easy road compared to many), and in the end, it does create stress that is not "normal" in a family and in a relationship. Why am I sharing so candidly? Well, I think it is important for me to document the amazing lessons and blessings that I have been given this year. I learned a lot about Faith. Something that I knew about, but had never been asked to experience in such a bold way and I am willing to admit that I had difficulty with just having Faith that it would work out. I learned a lot about myself and about my husband. I learned that while we are not perfect, we are stronger than I ever could have realized. I learned a lot about God's provision of needs when HE gives you a seemingly impossible task to complete. While I struggled with just having blind Faith, I learned that it is possible and you should do it. I continue to struggle with this, but I am slowly learning to let go. When I begin to stress out about how something will work out (for instance, finding the right home that is affordable and in a place that my family can blossom, with amazing neighbors that can become amazing friends), I remember and remind myself that God has provided for EVERY need this past year. HE blessed us with four beautiful, healthy and amazing children, HE has provided financially for things that I spent so much time worrying about, HE has provided when I feel like I am at the end of my rope and I know that HE will continue to provide for every need that we encounter from here on out (though it may not always be in the way that I would hope, but HE knows best). I find myself turning to prayer more than I ever have in my life. I find myself looking for peace within because I know it will be provided. Please don't get me wrong, it is a constant internal struggle and battle to remind myself of these amazing lessons I have learned. I still find myself on many days, trying to take control of things I have no control over, but I am quicker to realize where I need to turn than I used to be. This past year has been an amazing Faith journey and what better way to journey than with my beautiful and complete family! I have also learned of and experienced the amazing generosity of others and continue to experience this almost daily. We are so blessed by the people that have touched our lives this past year (and there have been more than I can count).

Now that the reminiscing on events and lessons of the past year is finished, let's get onto the main attraction . . . Six month pictures and stats!!

My little people are really growing. They are becoming more and more aware of their surroundings and each other. It is so funny to watch. I love watching how different four babies with the same experiences can be. They are all rolling from tummy to back very well. Brooklyn has rolled back to tummy one time, but no one else has yet. They can all wiggle and travel (they cover some serious ground sometimes, just by wiggling). They are eating solid foods (cereal with apples, green beans, peas and today avocado)!! No one is sitting at all yet, but their trunks are definitely getting stronger and I think Gage may be able to sit soon. They are laughing more everyday and they are really starting to think Jackson is funny (especially Brooklyn). This scares me a little. . . Enough with the general and onto the specifics:

Brooklyn

Weight: 13 lbs 6 oz (she has lost rank and is now the smallest)
Length: 25.25 inches
Personality and Development: Brooklyn is still full of snuggles, but she is starting to show a feisty side! She has found her voice and she is not afraid to use it if necessary!!! (there are not enough exclamation points in the world to punctuate this sentence). As I said before, she is the only one who has rolled back to tummy (though she has only done it once) and she is pushing all the way up on her hands more than anyone else. I think she may have me fooled, her personality may surprise me as she gets older, we'll see. She does think Jackson is funny (this may be a bad sign), she will belly laugh at him. She is a good eater when she decides she wants to be, but sometimes she just holds food in her mouth until is slowly starts coming back out. I love this little girl with her goofy grin and her sweet face. There is nothing better than hugging her smooth little cheek while she just curls into you!

Gage

Weight: 16 lbs 4 oz!!
Length: 26 inches
Personality and Development: Gage is my angel. He is such a good baby! Clint and I often comment that we are worried he gets neglected because he just plays quietly on the floor and does not demand much attention like the other three do. He is still my serious baby and I think he likes to have his own space. He seems to get a little disgusted when the others get in his "bubble", though he does think Jackson is funny even when I think Jackson is being a little obnoxious. One of my favorite things is when Gage goes from his super serious face with eyebrows down immediately into his big old grin! He is my BEST eater! He waits somewhat impatiently for each bite and will grunt at me sometimes when I am not fast enough. He has not met a food he doesn't like so far!

Westin

Weight: 15 lbs 14 oz
Length: 26 inches
Personality and Development: Westin is pretty laid back overall, though he can raise the roof when he's mad. Now that he can flip from tummy to back, he does it frequently and when he does it in his sleep, it wakes him up and makes him MAD! He rolls like Jackson used to; by pushing his butt up in the air and rolling butt first instead of head first. He is getting his knees up under him when he's on his tummy (though he's not close to getting up on hands and knees yet, but it's a start) I love this kid's dimples and he definitely knows how to use them :) He is a pretty good eater overall, but he likes to stick his fingers in his mouth and then suck on them while he eats and he makes a big mess!

Kynlee

Weight: 14 lbs
Length: 25 inches
Personality and Development: Kynlee continues to be the one I think will be a handful. Her muscles are always tensed and ready. She NEVER relaxes unless she is asleep. My sister laughs about the fact that Kynlee even keeps her butt clenched at all times unless she is asleep. She has things to do and things to see! She is very charming and knows how to capture her audience, but I continue to worry about what's in store for me with this one :) It always makes me laugh to watch Kynlee taking in her world and frantically searching for the next thing she needs to see. She is not a good eater. I think she really wishes I would lay off the spoon feeding. She just blows raspberries and tries to avoid it, but she does usually give in some. She is also pulling her knees up under her some. Her other trick, pushing her whole body into extension so that only her head and feet touch the ground (this is not because she's mad, she does this when she wants to look at what is behind her, she quite frequently does it when someone starts talking behind her).

Our fabulous pediatrician and her awesome nurse who have been coming to the house for well checks so we could spend the winter inside away from germs. The pediatrician commented repeatedly today on how amazed she was with how perfectly they are all doing. She even said that she couldn't find anything to concern her and she was looking hard just to make sure she covered all her bases! We just have four perfect miracles!! Praise God!