Enquiring Minds Want To Know . . .

I thought I would share some of the questions that get asked most frequently when people see or find out that we have quadruplets. This could be a long post, you have been warned. As you might expect, people are curious.

I'll start with the one that I get asked ALL the time and to be quite honest, makes me a little crazy . . .

1) Did you do fertility? Okay, first of all the answer to this question is yes, but we also did this with Jackson and we only got one. No one is curious when they see your one child, but when they see quadruplets, suddenly your life is supposed to be a matter of public record. We did a very conservative round of treatment and viola, four babies. With the treatment and our specific outcomes following treatment, statistically there was only a 50% chance I would get pregnant at all and instead GOD blessed us with 4 beautiful, healthy babies! Let me just say, that I do not mind talking about this if I am being asked for the right reasons. If someone is struggling with infertility or has already been through some treatments themselves, I am always open to a conversation (as a matter of fact, if someone reading this is going through something similar, please feel free to contact me). I am not embarrassed to talk about it and while we did seek treatment (just like you would if you were diagnosed with any other disorder), GOD is the creator of life and like I said, HE saw fit to bless us with 4 beautiful angels.

On the flip side, if you are thinking of asking this question to a mother of multiples just out of curiosity DON'T! Stop and think about what you are asking. This is a deeply personal question! Most people with normal fertility would think it very rude and inappropriate if you asked them to give you the specific details regarding the conception of each of their children and this is essentiallly the information you are asking for!! Bottom line, it's none of your business! Sorry to be "rude", but it is rude to ask. God is the creator of life. Period.

So far, I have been very polite when asked this question, but my patience is beginning to run thin to be honest and you wouldn't believe some of the things people say to me. When asked about this by one woman, I simply replied yes very nicely and the response I got was, " Oh, well, that's okay." What does that even mean!? I have to admit that I was a little offended. My mom had a woman ask her about it one time and when she told the woman, "That is a very personal question that I don't feel right answering for my daughter." The woman responded with, "Oh, I understand . . . but, did she?" I don't understand why some people seem to think your life should be an open book to them, just because you have multiples and they are interested. And by the way, my babies are NOT public property just because there are 4 of them (but that may be a soap box for another day)!

Other variations of this question that I find entertaining . . . . Did you do invitro? no. Are they natural? Yes, they are not artificial babies :) Do twins run in your family? Actually, the answer is yes, but I don't know why people ask this, I don't have twins (I guess because they are beating around the bush at the above question) Do quadruplets run in your family? Huh!!!!! . . . . and my favorite, asked by a very young woman once, who was asking very innocently, and honestly it made me laugh How did that happen!? I'm not even sure how I responded to that one :)

Okay, sorry about the brief rant, but this is one that gets to me sometimes. I pray for the grace and patience to deal with these questions about my personal life that will undoubtedly continue and for the strength to handle the spotlight that is now shining down on top of my family when we go out in public.

Did you want/mean to have four at one time? What?!!! I really just want to ask these people: Do you want to? No, of course we did not want to or mean to have 4 at one time, but we feel very blessed by them and I wouldn't change it now!

What are the babies' names? I think this is odd. If you tell someone that you have 5 kids, they do not ask their names, but if you tell them you have a 3 year old and infant quadruplets, this is quite frequently one of the first questions they ask. Maybe people want to know if I gave them matching names or names that start with the same first letter, I don't know. But I always respond by saying, "Brooklyn, Gage, Westin and Kynlee and my 3 year old's name is Jackson." I think I get a little defensive when people have a million questions about the babies and don't really care about Jackson. I know it's the fascination with multiples, but I don't want my other child forgotten. He's pretty special too!

How does Jackson handle it? He does very well, but he doesn't know any different, this is normal in his world. He's 3, so he has his moments (as any parent who has had a 3 year old knows), but overall, I have been so impressed by him. He has not really displayed much jealousy. He occasionally gets frustrated when he is asked to wait because I am taking care of the babies, but there are also a lot of times when he waits patiently. Most 3 year olds with new siblings have to wait while mommy feeds or changes the baby, but for most 3 year olds the wait is only 15 maybe 20 minutes. For Jackson, the wait is often an hour (since that's about how long it takes to feed and change all four). That is a LONG time for someone so little to wait, and I am so impressed that he will often say to me, "Mommy, when you are finished feeding the babies, will you please (insert request here)?" Wow!!! Now, of course, other times he does not want to wait and he gets upset, but don't we all get impatient sometimes? I do get tickled when he wants something and he sees that I am about to start feeding babies and he exclaims in a panicked voice,"Don't feed him/her. Put the bottle down! I need some juice." He knows it's going to be awhile so he tries to catch me before I start! The other thing I think is funny, is when he wants me to put a Transformer back together, but I can't because I am holding two bottles. He will walk up and say, "Mommy, will you turn my Transformer into a car? I will hold two bottles." And he does.

He LOVES the babies!! He really can't get enough of them most of the time. He always wants to hug, kiss or hold them and recently has been requesting to hold two at once! One of my very favorite things right now is when he randomly states,"Mommy, I love my babies. I love Westin, Kynlee, Gage and Brooklyn." How unbelievably amazing it is to watch genuine sibling love unfolding.

How do you do it? I wish that I could give everyone the magical answer to this question that they seem to be looking for, . . . but there isn't one. The answer I always give and the only answer there is "You just do. By the grace of God." Just like anything else in life, you do what you have to. If life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. If life gives you quadruplets . . . well, you raise quadruplets! It's not as hard as I thought it would be. You find your rhythm and you go with it (not to say that you don't lose that rhythm some days, but who doesn't.) There are so many things that other women do that I think are much more awe inspiring than raising quadruplets. Have you ever witnessed the amazing strength of a woman who has a special needs/medically fragile child, a military wife who goes it alone for months at a time, or a single mother who does it by herself all the time. These women are amazing to me!

But, to answer the question a little more specifically, let me tell you how I pass the day with four 6 month olds and one 3 year old. Well, between 16 bottles and two spoon feeding sessions per day (one cereal, one veggies), I spend about 4-5 hours of the day feeding babies. I change a minimum of 16 diapers a day and it's probably usually at least 20 (I can change a diaper pretty darn fast, I've had ALOT of practice). I am constantly picking up the last mess that was made whether it's the multitude of 2 oz ready feed formula containers, the diapers that were just changed, the pajamas that were just shed or the towels after baths. In between changing, feeding, rocking, picking up and playing with babies, I also play transformers, puzzles, cars, occasionally do crafts, bake or any other thing that Jackson comes up with. I have started making dinner again in the last couple of months, so it's a challenge to fit that in, but somehow it seems to come together most days. And, yes, by the end of the day, I'm exhausted!! If I drop the ball for even one day and am lazy, I definitely feel it the next day! It's crazy and at times I get frustrated or overwhelmed, but as long as you hit your stride and stick with it, most days run pretty smoothly around here. I'll admit to being teary eyed and short tempered at the end of many days due to fatigue or because I feel like I just couldn't give enough of myself to each member of my family that day, but I can't imagine life being any different! I'm not saying it's easy, but it is doable. I am constantly uplifted by the support and encouraging words of family and friends, and when all else fails. . . wine or chocolate will do the trick!

Any other questions? I'd be happy to answer if I can ;)