Changes

So, those that check the blog frequently are probably wondering why I have fallen down on the job over the last two months . . . well, it's because I have a new job which means less time! That's right, I went back to work on September 7th (the week after the babies' first birthday). I was on "maternity leave" for 15 months and finally took the plunge and headed back to the work force to join the daily grind . . . er, the two days a week grind anyway.

My first three weeks I was working Monday and Wednesday afternoons. This was so I could help them out a little while I was looking for a nanny. Uncle Jacob was available during these two times, so he kept all five kids while I worked. Seriously folks, he did a pretty great job too. I don't know very many 20 year old guys that could do it. He's fully prepared for the future I would say! I did have to laugh though because he told me that it would be an easy job. "How hard can it be?" I think were his exact words. Then after his 3rd day, he said, "I think this is the only job I've ever had that gets harder every time I do it instead of easier." Ha, ha, ha!! Tell me about it!! Then he said,"Surely eventually you would come across every scenario that could possibly happen." Not even close dude, they're kids, they are TOTALLY unpredictable!

My actual permanent work schedule is 9-5:30 Tuesdays and Thursdays. We found a great nanny who is working on her Master's Degree at night and has done a really nice job so far! She even braved taking all the babies out in public by herself for the first time last Thursday (she doesn't keep Jackson because he goes to preschool on those two days). They just went on an outing to the mall to get out of the house. The babies LOVE to go places. She said it went well, but people asked a lot of questions and sometimes walked a long way with her to keep asking questions! In her words, "Some people ask some REALLY personal questions!" Tell me about it! We are very blessed to have found her thanks to a friend that uses her on Mondays and Wednesdays. It's been perfect!

As for work . . . I did actually change jobs. I thought I would return to my old job. They were so kind and wonderful during the pregnancy and told me that I would have a place when I was ready to return, but due to some other factors it just didn't end up working out. They were very good to me, but another opportunity arose that was a better fit for my family's needs right now, so I couldn't pass it up. I am still working pediatrics as a Physical Therapist and I am working with a great group of women, several of whom I have worked with before and love!

How is work? Well, it's okay. I wish I could sound more enthusiastic about it, but I'm just not there yet. I originally said I would go back to work when the babies were 6 months old. That obviously didn't happen. At the time we were in the process of moving to the new house and honestly, I just wasn't ready. After more discussion, Clint and I decided that we wouldn't address work until closer to their first birthday. Now, shortly after they were 3 months old, we had a week where all 5 were sick and that week I'm pretty sure that I stated out loud that I would gladly go back to work full time and let Clint stay home, but otherwise I actually very much enjoyed staying home. It was hard, but it was rewarding!

Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and the people I work with and while I am there I am usually happy to be there, but when I'm at home I dread the idea of going to work and I didn't used to feel that way. My heart is at home. I really thought that once I jumped back in, I would just be happy to have life back to "normal" but that hasn't been the case so far. It's only been two months, so I may just need to give it a little more time. I just feel a little torn and like I don't have time to really complete my duties at work or at home the way I want them done! I like to give 110% and feel like I'm more around 85% right now, just from lack of time! I feel like time is moving in hyper-speed and I just don't want to miss anything. And sometimes I feel like the two days at work mean less time to accomplish all my home duties and therefore less time with my kids.

That being said, I don't know if any mom I know feels like she has successfully achieved the magical balance! I think there is "mommy guilt" no matter what you do or how you split your time. I guess as mother's we feel the need to be everything to everyone and sometimes we just need to learn to slow down and relax. I will say that having less time at home, I find myself using my time at home more to spend with my kids than to accomplish tasks and chores and while I love this, it's not doing much for my house. But, the dust, dirt and dishes will always be waiting, my kids will not. It's a short season in life and I intend to enjoy it as much as possible!